HOW TO DRIVE IN LOS ANGELES..

Hopefully This will make someone laugh today:

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L A

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00pm. Friday’s rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On the 105 or 110, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is considered “Wussy”.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. L A has its own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Malibu , SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It’s another offense that can get you shot.

7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of L A and Orange counties. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day’s driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats, barrels, cones, celebs, rubberneckers shredded tires, cell phones, deer and other road kill, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9. Map quest does not work here, none of the roads are where they say they are or go where they say they do and all the freeway off and on ramps are moved each night.

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been “accidentally activated.”

11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be “flipped off” accordingly. If you return the flip, you’ll be shot.

12. Do not try to estimate travel time, just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.

Busy Busy..

Well, I got the decorating done. I know, bout time.. LOL It’s not COMPLETELY done, but my tree is up and decorated, and there are snowmen all over the house.. 😀 I’m happy.. I made a really great Christmas CD for the kid.. Stuff like “I want a hippopotamus for Christmas” (Shirley Temple), “Grandma got run over by a reindeer” (Patsy & Elmo), “12 Redneck days of Christmas” (Jeff Foxworthy), “All i want for Christmas (is my two front teeth)” (Spike Jones), and others… I figured just so I don’t scar the kid, threw in a couple “normal” Christmas songs.. Jingle Bells et al.
So I have two favorite Christmas songs… the first song.. (the funny one) ok, maybe not a funny song per se… but since the kid was little, we always sing Christmas songs in the car. I love doing different voices to make her laugh. So I sing Deck the Halls.. Kind of Opera like at first, and then it changes to like a british accent, and then the very last FA LA LA LA LA I sound like a complete dork. She thinks it’s the funniest thing.. (Yes, people in other cars have stared at me and burst into laughter).. Ha Ha
One of the great things about having kids, is like getting a free pass to act like a fool. 😀 And I have had a LOT of practice.. I was being a dork at Disneyland one year and one of the park employees gave me a sticker to proudly wear that I was an “Honorary Citizen” because they like people like me.. HA! Little do they know.. 🙂 Anyway, I digress…
So my really really favorite song is “Little Drummer Boy”, but a specific version of it. Bing Crosby and David Bowie sing it together.. actually I think the title is Little Drummer Boy/Peace on Earth or something like that. I swear I get goosebumps ever time I hear that song.. No particular reason, that is Christmas to me.
Anyhow… it’s a beautiful day today… about 40 degrees right now (kinda cold for me), no more rain (yay)… Rain sucks in California (well, everwhere I’m sure) but here, it seems everyone forgets how to drive in the rain, and there are about 428 car crashes about 10 minutes after the rain begins to fall. Hope ya’ll have a good one!

I pray my wish will come true, For my child and your child too, He’ll see the day of glory, See the day when men of good will Live in peace, live in peace again” ~Sung by David Bowie and Bing Crosby
(Recorded on September 11, 1977 for Bing Crosby’s yearly Christmas special. Crosby died a month later and the show aired posthumously in December 1977.
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