Things seem to be going pretty shitty for so many people right now. An old friend of mine that I haven’t kept in touch with (I suck as a friend) just let me know that he lost his studio, some surrounding homes, and the old shop burned down. Lost everything. I think of the stupid bullshit I am going thru now with uncle sam, and that just has no comparison to what my friend is going thru right now.. Fire. Lost everything. How do you get that back? Pictures, poetry, drawings, things from your head/heart at that moment in time that you could look at whenever you want to… is gone. Losing a part of your life… like an appendage so to speak. I feel so terribly about what happened, and how he must be feeling right now. I hear that he is pretty happy with his life besides this huge loss, and for that I am very grateful.. I am happy that he is happy.. Altho, a part of me is pretty sad.. For more than just that.
So this week, I’ve worked already 36 hours and it’s only wednesday… I am gonna take friday off, and leave for the weekend.. I believe I am going to head out thursday night, get a hotel room, and hang out in Lake Havasu, hit up the nekkid turtle for some beers and wait for some friends to show up friday… Busy week, and very STRESSFUL week, so it will be nice just to hang with me, and some adults for the weekend.. This will be the last havasu trip I *Think* for the season… maybe one more Mojave run, but not sure.. NEXT weekend however, I am taking the kid out to the dry lake bed to go dirt bike riding. Well, quading I guess haha. Some friends have kids and smaller dirtbikes, so I am going to teach the kid how to ride a TWO wheeler dirtbike. She can ride a bicycle just fine… but this will be waay cool. I can’t wait.. Riding season is upon us, and we are blessed with so much.. dirt. Thank you God. 🙂
So.. today just might have been the most frightening day of my entire existence. Just to make a long story short (as per custody agreement, she was with her dad last night), the Kid never showed up at school today.. Couldn’t get a hold of ANYONE to find out what was up. So in my head, there had to have been some accident, she’s … anyway.. you get the idea. So I leave work, go driving around and finally find her with her dad. All fear aside at this point, now I have moved on to “SHEER RAGE”. The kid and her dad apparently had too much fun at the fair last night, and decided to “sleep in”.
As I mentioned before, I don’t understand how people can be so cruel and vindictive. Not only does it hurt the person (ok, me) right then and there, but it continues to conjure up thoughts, and emotions, that weren’t there before. It is literally making me crazy. I am now so full of self doubt and doubting others around me. I can’t look at my “friends” the same now. I really don’t think I am a bad person. Sometimes a bad friend, but aren’t we all at some point? But for someone to say things to make me start to feel that I am in fact stupid, and much more naive than anyone I have ever met, it’s just mean. I keep having these conversations in my own head to try to make the negative shit go away. Any idea how hard that is?
So I have been having some difficulties lately.. Things that are going on in my life, and really NOT appealing to me right now. Nor are certain PEOPLE. I can’t believe people are so miserable in their lives, and so cruel as to say whatever they find necessary to bring others down. Others that they “supposedly” care about. I mean, HURTFUL things. WHY on earth would someone intentionally want to hurt someone?! I don’t get it. I really don’t, and it’s very disheartening. I get the whole Misery loves company.. but shit.. go find it somewheres else. Leave me the hell alone!!! I don’t want to be a part of ANY of that kind of life. I am really, desperately actually, trying to be happy for a change!!
So yesterday was the first day of school.. THIRD GRADE!! I can’t believe it. The kid is 8 1/2 and is taller than my armpit now.. I’m a little scared. 😉 She’ll be 10 yrs old and as tall as me. THAT is just wrong. haha. She has a male teacher this year, so I am hoping that he will be a different influence on her. She kinda sucked pretty bad last year at not paying attention, gossiping etc.. I am hoping this one is different. Apparently he told the class that he is 110 years old and lives in a cardboard box under the freeway. She said she likes him and that he’s funny. Hope that works. 😉