As I mentioned before, I don’t understand how people can be so cruel and vindictive. Not only does it hurt the person (ok, me) right then and there, but it continues to conjure up thoughts, and emotions, that weren’t there before. It is literally making me crazy. I am now so full of self doubt and doubting others around me. I can’t look at my “friends” the same now. I really don’t think I am a bad person. Sometimes a bad friend, but aren’t we all at some point? But for someone to say things to make me start to feel that I am in fact stupid, and much more naive than anyone I have ever met, it’s just mean. I keep having these conversations in my own head to try to make the negative shit go away. Any idea how hard that is?
I get to a point where all the negative thoughts start manifesting into this huge storm of emotions, and I feel I can’t stop them. Then comes the anxiety. Why do I allow this to happen? No one MADE me have these feelings/emotions. I allowed for these shitty ass words to creep into my head and more importantly my heart, and I feel like I am being slowly ruined.
Dramatic, ya I know, but it gets overwhelming.