Times change..

I am not even sure where to begin today.  Yesterday I buried my dear Friend Laurie.  She was 41 years young.  She was my big buddy in High School.  We shared a few classes together with the same teacher, Mr. Hufferd aka “Huff”.  He was there at the services.  After it was over, the girls (Tiffany, Brittany & Shannon) and I took Huff to lunch. We had a lovely time.  I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with Huff who will be turning 80 about the same time I will be turning 40 next year.  I was really disappointed by the lack of “friends” from HS to show up for the services.  I know everyone is different and they all “have lives” to live etc.. but I can’t wrap my head around, what is SOOO important in your great life, that you couldn’t take a few hours out of your day to say good bye to a friend.  Granted, there have been 1 maybe 2 funerals I did not attend because I would have been a broken down blubbering mess and ruined everything.  But I just can’t see that what 30-40 people would have done the same at one funeral?  Anyway, that has been weighing heavily on my mind today.  I have no family, so to spend time with Huff listening to stories gave me a sense of “family” again and that was very comforting to me.  I miss Laurie.  She was at my house last for a gathering of friends before I moved.  Those happen now and again, but it won’t be the same without her.  I think I’ll have to do another one anyway, around Christmas time, and host friends that ARE still around.. My brain is having a hard time adjusting and many thoughts flying around.  Dano saw Lauries picture on the funeral card, and exclaimed “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME IT WAS HER!?”  I didn’t think Dano remembered her, she only saw her a handful of times, and it wasn’t like Dano was really interested or so I thought.  She was upset at me for not letting her go with me, but I had to be Mom and made her attend school.  It’s just how it is.  I miss Laurie’s smile, and laughter, and her ability to make you smile even if you are in a crying fit.  Her sarcasm taught me so well, and that will be missed terribly.  I am really not sure where to go with this, I think I just needed to write it down so I didn’t keep dwelling..  I can’t wait to meet up with her again some day.  

One of Laurie’s Favorite sayings… 🙂 


Something new~ish..

Lots to update on..  After 1 1/2 years of doing itworks (see link to the right for www.ieskinnywrap.com) I have gone from a high of 175 lbs down now to about 145 lbs.  I have fluctuated a little.. but that is normal I think.  That said, having a broken back and leg (October 2008) it’s been very difficult for me to “exercise”.  I was (very past tense) doing some hiking in the hills by the house, but during the summer, it was 100+ degrees, so I stopped.  NOW is the perfect time to put my shape ups back on and hit the dirt.  I did actually clean up my garage.  FINALLY.  HOW on earth it gets as cramped as it does, I have no idea.  
Anyhoo, with the garage cleaned up, I can get to my BOWFLEX!!!!  I am soo happy.  I saw an ad with JWOWW (NO, I DO NOT WATCH JERSEY SHORE), modeling some new bikini’s.  I want to look like that.  I’ve lost the dreaded weight, and kept it off, now I need to “firm it all up”.  I think once I start using my bowflex about 14 times per week, I will start feeling better about myself.  Notice, I didn’t say “look” better or anything. How I look depends on what I see, not others.  So, as long as I feel good about me, it’s all good.  RIGHT? 
On another note.. nah.  Nevermind. 🙂  
Now that it is a few days til Christmas, I can’t wait to have Dano open her presents. I got her some things that she really doesn’t know she wants.  HAHA  Once she opens them, she’ll be happy.  Seeing that HUGE smile on her face is the best present to me ever.  For any holiday. Any day of the year.   Her dad and his side of the family have taken so much advantage of me, it’s not even funny.  I am not in a position to fight it.  I don’t like that.  But, AFTER the holidays, I will be better able to.  I’m looking forward to that.  I know in my heart I can’t control everything, but it’s hard to accept it.  I’m trying.  Growing up, I HATED to be alone.  Like REALLY.  As I’ve grown into an adult (ok, a cleverly disguised adult.. haha) I cherish the alone times.  Having full custody for the last 7 months, and having Dano with me all the time has been absolutely wonderful.  It’s teaching me so many things as a mother.  What I should and shouldn’t talk about to her etc..  She’s 11 going on 25.  It’s been like that for years tho.  She’s much more mature that most kids her age.  It is what it is.. I’m still learning too.  She’s been gone the last two nights.  I’ve had “alone” time.  Quite honestly, it sucks.  Hhmm maybe, I enjoyed being alone, but I don’t like being LONELY.  Does that make sense?  I KNOW not to base my loneliness or happiness or anything on my child.. that is wrong and I KNOW that.. I’m just so used to her being around is all.. I cleaned last night, like grout in the kitchen tile, took apart the vacuum to get all the hair out of it so it would spin again (we shed SOO much, I don’t know how neither of us is bald yet),  steam cleaned the floor, changed out tube lighting in the kitchen, steam cleaned the couches etc… so I kept myself busy, then I started to read.  “Why men LOVE Bitches” by Sherry Argov.  WOW.. Couldn’t put it down.  Great book. I have been playing the “Nice woman” for WAAAY too long in my life.. I can actually SEE in hindsight what I’ve been doing wrong for so many years.. Pretty cool actually.  Anyway, I’ve gone on and on about really nothing.. so have a great day.. .:)