2014.. The year of "Sacrifice"

2013 was quite the year.  A LOT of changes, tears, heartache, happiness, you know a “Typical” year.  Donor hasn’t been much help with the kid.  She is AMAZING.  In the past month or so, she and I have laid out her game plan for High School (she starts later this year), and the majority of high school (10 – 12th grades) that she will also be taking college courses so that she can graduate High School with her diploma, as well as her AA in something chemistry related she says.  She hasn’t seen “him” in a couple months.  Not even Christmas.  Stopped seeing her during the week back in august of last year, and only a handful of weekends here and there, some of which he took her to friends, and didn’t actually “see her”.  He’s not the point of this anyway. Saw my brother for the first time in years, only to have him USE ME yet again, and I fell for it.  I’m an idiot.  I gave up a LOT of my time, and energy and me in general last year.  Taking a look at my life and finances, there is no way for the kid to go to college.  Well, without taking out loans etc, and I can’t buy us a home.  The point is, I have to save a LOT of money to get her to college.  I had no help growing up from MY parents really, so I will make sure I do whatever I can to get her where she wants to go professionally.. I don’t know if my parents didn’t do much to help because they had 3 kids or what.. but MINE (kid) has a bank account and is learning how to manage her money etc and she’s just as excited as I am for what is to come.  
Here comes the year of sacrifice…  With my job and where we live, I can’t afford to save squat.  So we are moving.  For anyone that really knows me, this means usually I move wherever I can take my entire family.  I can’t just move anymore because I feel like it.  Or like my dad used to say because my apartment got dirty..  I have to move logically.. Can the kid get to school?  Do I know someone that she can hang out with before the long ride to school?  Is there a bus?  All these things have to be taken into consideration.  Long story short, she and I made the decision last night, that we are giving up our beloved dogs.  I’m shedding so many tears writing this just thinking of NOT having them in our lives. And it KILLS ME.  I’m not only a parent to her, but to them as well.  Sadly, I had to make the decision that living in a tiny 2 br apartment just us, is what we have to do, to save up money to put down for a house, and to pay for her schooling.  I’ve not told anyone around me really, except my bff so that the kid can hang out with her in the morning before school, but that’s it.  One the one hand I can literally feel my heart breaking into a million pieces, not having my dogs to greet me every day, and wake me up at 2 am to go outside to pee.  I’ve had them since they were babies..  BUT I KNOW they will find a good home.  I already imagine where they will live.  Will they think I just up and left them? THAT is THE worst feeling I have right now.  That is killing me.     I need to take a break for a minute.. the tears won’t stop.
Anyway, will they understand that I have to do what I have to do for her and our little family?  I looked at other places that TAKE pets.. they are both over 50lbs.. bottom line, I have tried to figure out a way, and I don’t have a choice.  Once you feel your heart actually break, it is REALLY hard to stop the tears from falling. 
We are selling all of our things, paying off all debt (a whopping 3 grand without my car)… and save every single penny, increase my credit score, and buy a home for us.  We are soooo excited for it, and understand we do have to sacrifice everything this year, so that next year can be perfect and awesome.  I know there are other people worse off than me and others that have everything in the world.. I have what I have, and soon, won’t be much, but I have my kid.. and that is my entire life. 



My dogs… and my garden..

I’ve been inspired to share a post about my dogs and my garden.. by my friend Nikki Crome..  She has her dogs on a diet to feed them the same healthy foods she likes to eat..  As much as I love my dogs, I never thought about this..  I mean, I’ve fed them stuff from my garden, but always more as a treat I think.  Included in this post are pictures from my garden.  Started it the second week of July and it’s growing beautifully..  Inside my little haven are, Roma Tomatoes, Tomatillos, (a TON) of Broccoli, Watermelon, Cantaloupe, Pumpkin (won’t be ready for Halloween tho I don’t think  BOO!) Jalapeno, Serrano chile’s and habanero as well.  Then there is some Gourds (Dano REALLY wanted to grow them, no idea why) and squash, which are already sprouting about 20 of them!  Then there is a BUNCH of corn, and lastly peas.  (Seems like so much more when I look at it haha)  OH! Forgot the Avocado tree, and my grape vine.. 🙂 The corn.. that didn’t take off too well.  The ones that were already growing, only one really “took”.  Planted a bunch of seeds, and holy crap within 5 days, they are all sprouting, and now they are a few inches tall already!  I still want to plant Blackberry vines but those won’t produce anything for a couple years.  It’s relaxing to be out there during the summertime, but damn it’s HOT.. Gotta wait til the shade kicks in to get in there..  I think I will head back to the farmer’s market and get some more veggies, and eggs, and slowly wean my furry kids off “dog food” and see how that works..  Raw meat with bones… THAT I will continue to research today as well.  I knew about the cooked bones, they can’t have, but raw makes a bunch more sense!!  Anyway, thank you +Nikki Crome  here are some pics of my garden. 🙂 
Peace!