Here we go again..

Ok.. I’m back..  haha  So I did move this over to tumblr..  and that was fun.. I guess.  I mean, don’t get me wrong.. tumblr is cool… if you are a teenager.  I couldn’t really “blog” there.. or feel comfortable doing it I guess.  So, I’m back.  I miss talking to myself on here.. I got that “Dragon” speak/dictation software to try.. I’ll let you know how that works.. if it DOES work.. It’s going on Dano’s laptop so she can do her homework and I don’t have to type everything for her.. (seems she hunts/pecks while Mom can type apprx 90 wpm.. yay me.) Looking forward to this.. I think it really will help her with her reports, and her grades..  crossing my fingers, toes, whatever…
I’m a little scatter brained lately.. things haven’t been all that great with Dano and her dad, and court etc… I have a draft I wrote in the midst of it all, and it wasn’t very pleasant, but I had to get it off my chest.. I think for now it’ll just stay in drafts..  Anyway, this is gonna be pretty short today, gotta go get her from school.  I’ll fill ya in on more tomorrow…

Peace kids..

Letting Go..

Ok, so I really think I need to LET GO of a LOT of shit in my life. There is only so much crap a person can pile on and expect to keep going at a normal rate. People in general hold on to a lot of things. Emotions, Anger, Hatred as well as love and friendships. I don’t have any issues, with the few friendships that I have held on to. I choose to hang on to a limited number of “good friends” because they are very valuable to me. Here is where my problem lies: I hang on to too much of the bad stuff. Just like everyone else.
I have known for a long time that i have to let things go. But then I get to the point where, it’s like “Ok, I WANT to let this go, and I WILL let this go, but I want you (whomever it is) to hear me out so that I CAN let go.” The shitty part for me, is that I either don’t get to that point of “closure” of my own doing, or whomever I am trying to let go of, (metaphorically) won’t allow me to. That’s where it gets bad.
How can you let go, when (for example a person) they have already done so, but won’t let you do the same. No, it’s not fair, but for me personally, I think I deserve that opportunity. When I don’t have that, I just continue to stew on “everything” good or bad, and I’m back at square one. Anger, same thing.. Actually no. I am getting better (didn’t say great) at dealing with and letting go of anger. It’s this other BS that keeps haunting me.
What is after anger? I mean, after being pissed off at a person, or ending a friendship, or whatever, I’m usually pissed for a while. Oh! HURT.. that’s my next step.. Since I obviously get past the anger part and move on to hurt, is that what it is that keeps sticking around? Maybe it’s beyond hurt and now it’s resentment. Resenting that person for having wasted my time and my feelings and efforts that I put into a so called friendship… Yea, I really think THAT is where MY problem of letting go lies. That has to be it.
Crap, this sucks then. Because once I start thinking about the fact that I resent that person or myself even, I start getting pissed again.. Great.. a vicious circle of crap to not be able to let go of. Ever notice the whole “out of sight out of mind” works until that person or thing mysteriously shows up again? And then all those shitty feelings come flooding back and they are all fresh again. Oy. Oh well.. that’s for another day.