LIES… and kids.

LIES.  I hate them.  Despise them.  Probably because I was so good at it long LONG ago, then it all blew up in my face.  Live and learn.  Now, I just will not lie. Period.  If you don’t like what I have to say, I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.  I don’t have to REMEMBER what I said, or to whom, because what I say is the truth regardless who hears it.  If you want to know something and expect HONESTY, then by all means, ask me.  I am not all THAT stupid and I realize kids lie.  But when you are MY kid, and You KNOW that I can’t stand lies, WHY ON EARTH would you keep trying to do it.  WHITE LIES ARE STILL LIES.  Ok, yes, I am sure I’ve told a few white lies, perchance to spare someones feelings or something.  Dano can’t seem to get the truth out no matter what because “Either way, I’m gonna be in trouble”.  See.. No.  Not true.  If I ask you to do something, and you don’t “get around to doing it”, not a real biggie.. sure I might make some kind of grunting noise or whatever, but it is what it is..  Now, when you talk to me on the phone, and tell me flat out “Yup I did it”, and then I come home and I know you blatantly LIED to me.. WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN!?!?  Now, you are grounded.. No bike, scooter, skateboard.  No Tv, no tablet, no phone, no computer.  Nothing.  Nada.  No you can’t play with your friends.   You get to sit in your room AGAIN either going thru all your clothes, socks whatever to see what doesn’t fit, etc.. and think about your behaviour.  Seriously.  This is ridiculous   She has to be bored at this point sitting in her room staring at the walls.   I don’t even know WHAT to do anymore.  Like, I went so far as to pretty much threaten her, that when I go to trial in 2 weeks, I’ll just tell the court to go back to 50/50 custody and she can stay with him again… of course she flipped out, and said no (well cried “no) etc.. so, I’m at my wits end.   12 years old sucks.  No, I don’t remember this age.. Hell I don’t remember much of ANYTHING really growing up.  I see pictures, and have zero recollection of being there.  Anyway… HELP!

Am I where I should be??

I’ve been constantly asking myself lately, if this is where I am supposed to be in life.  I mean, I’m 39, and a single Mom.  I’ve taken care of myself since I was 16 years old.  I did the married thing for a few years, and realized it wasn’t for me. (or I picked the wrong guy, or I am just a bitch, or whatever).  Anyway, since turning 39 a couple weeks ago, and taking a good look around me, I found I’m a little bit lost.  On the one hand I feel like “Oh my gosh, I’m 39 years old and what do I have to show for my life except where I am RIGHT this minute.” I feel like I screwed up so many things and maybe I’m starting over for the 3rd time?  Like another “mid life crisis”…  now, on the OTHER hand… I feel like I’m old. I’m done. No one is going to want to date an old hag like me with a full time kid to boot.  I’m damaged goods.  And even tho that may be, WHY AM I OK WITH THAT!?!?  I like being alone.  No one to have to do anything for (besides Dano).  I can do what I want (which isn’t a whole hell of a lot since I have Dano.. NO COMPLAINTS here btw).  And then I think, but I don’t have anyone to share ME with…  And this is where I decided I’m lost.  I don’t know where I should be.  Or what I should be doing.  I have a job, Dano and I are healthy, my business is doing pretty good (even tho I want to quit my day job and do my business full time)..  Whose to say where MY life should be?? Am I behind in achievements or something?  Should I try sky diving again?  Learn scuba diving?  WHAT AM I MISSING!?!?!?   Usually writing this stuff gives me a little clarity…  no such luck this time… 

Exciting things ahead..

It was an interesting weekend.  Dano was sick, still is.  Nasty head cold.. Not strep Thank Goodness.. Anyway, we went to do a bit of shopping at the market.  Dano and I were being goofy as usual, when a women came up and started telling Dano that she was beautiful, and should be a model etc.. Oh great.. more info to feed that kids ego.. haha  Well, later last night, we sat and talked about it.  I told her I had looked into it about a year ago, and she got pretty upset as to WHY I hadn’t done more.  I told her about when I did a little print work back in the day, and now she is super DUPER excited, to say the least.  We called my photog and set up a day next week to do a photo shoot with her. (I kinda want to do a couple shots just to compare how much or little I’ve changed in the last 20 years, and also do a few shots of us together.. I always TAKE the pictures, I’m never in them.. )  I already have the place picked out..  
So, once we get the shots done, need to make Zed/comp cards made up to send out to some agents.  Apparently”biracial” kids are in demand.. Not sure what to make of that one.. haha  Just wanted to “share” that.. I’m really excited FOR her.. she’s cute and all.. we’ll see.. 😉 

Here we go again..

Ok.. I’m back..  haha  So I did move this over to tumblr..  and that was fun.. I guess.  I mean, don’t get me wrong.. tumblr is cool… if you are a teenager.  I couldn’t really “blog” there.. or feel comfortable doing it I guess.  So, I’m back.  I miss talking to myself on here.. I got that “Dragon” speak/dictation software to try.. I’ll let you know how that works.. if it DOES work.. It’s going on Dano’s laptop so she can do her homework and I don’t have to type everything for her.. (seems she hunts/pecks while Mom can type apprx 90 wpm.. yay me.) Looking forward to this.. I think it really will help her with her reports, and her grades..  crossing my fingers, toes, whatever…
I’m a little scatter brained lately.. things haven’t been all that great with Dano and her dad, and court etc… I have a draft I wrote in the midst of it all, and it wasn’t very pleasant, but I had to get it off my chest.. I think for now it’ll just stay in drafts..  Anyway, this is gonna be pretty short today, gotta go get her from school.  I’ll fill ya in on more tomorrow…

Peace kids..