LIES… and kids.

LIES.  I hate them.  Despise them.  Probably because I was so good at it long LONG ago, then it all blew up in my face.  Live and learn.  Now, I just will not lie. Period.  If you don’t like what I have to say, I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.  I don’t have to REMEMBER what I said, or to whom, because what I say is the truth regardless who hears it.  If you want to know something and expect HONESTY, then by all means, ask me.  I am not all THAT stupid and I realize kids lie.  But when you are MY kid, and You KNOW that I can’t stand lies, WHY ON EARTH would you keep trying to do it.  WHITE LIES ARE STILL LIES.  Ok, yes, I am sure I’ve told a few white lies, perchance to spare someones feelings or something.  Dano can’t seem to get the truth out no matter what because “Either way, I’m gonna be in trouble”.  See.. No.  Not true.  If I ask you to do something, and you don’t “get around to doing it”, not a real biggie.. sure I might make some kind of grunting noise or whatever, but it is what it is..  Now, when you talk to me on the phone, and tell me flat out “Yup I did it”, and then I come home and I know you blatantly LIED to me.. WHAT DO YOU THINK IS GOING TO HAPPEN!?!?  Now, you are grounded.. No bike, scooter, skateboard.  No Tv, no tablet, no phone, no computer.  Nothing.  Nada.  No you can’t play with your friends.   You get to sit in your room AGAIN either going thru all your clothes, socks whatever to see what doesn’t fit, etc.. and think about your behaviour.  Seriously.  This is ridiculous   She has to be bored at this point sitting in her room staring at the walls.   I don’t even know WHAT to do anymore.  Like, I went so far as to pretty much threaten her, that when I go to trial in 2 weeks, I’ll just tell the court to go back to 50/50 custody and she can stay with him again… of course she flipped out, and said no (well cried “no) etc.. so, I’m at my wits end.   12 years old sucks.  No, I don’t remember this age.. Hell I don’t remember much of ANYTHING really growing up.  I see pictures, and have zero recollection of being there.  Anyway… HELP!

Am I doin’ it right??

It finally came to a head last night.  As far as I am concerned little white lies are the same as any other lie.  I don’t care what anyone says, it is HARD to be a single full time parent.  Period.  I have to be Mom and in some cases Dad too.  It’s frustrating, and quite honestly not fun.  So yesterday, I asked Dano to put the dishes in the dishwasher away and put the dirty dishes in, feed the dogs and get herself ready for school.  NOTHING happened, besides getting to school.  I asked her if the stuff was done at that time, and the response was “Almost”.  I know what ALMOST means.  Not even close, haven’t touched it, what was I supposed to do again?   I let it go.  We got home yesterday, and I saw the dishes, and we were putting away a few groceries.  Dano was going on and on about the back to school dance that is tonight.  Long story short, told Dano 2 more times to get the dishes done.  Didn’t happen until about 7:30 last night, after I finally YELLED at her to get off her butt and do it NOW.  I lost it.  I told her she was a liar (technically she is) and that she KNOWS everything I’ve had to go thru with Donor and court for the last year, OVER a year, and this is how she is treating me.  I have to tell her 5,6 or 7 times to do something that should take ONE time go make her get up and DO IT.  I’m tired.  I can’t be the good guy (Mom) AND the bad guy at the same time.  It’s impossible.  Last night I turned into “Dad”.. and very similar to her actual one.  She cried, a LOT.  Hysterically even.  After all I said to her, I didn’t even FEEL BAD about it!  I knew I was right and I was just FED UP to here with all the bullshit.  She’s 12 FFS!!!  Anyway, she kept saying I’m sorry.. I said for what? You aren’t SORRY, you are upset you got caught LYING to me…  she said No, I’m sorry for disappointing you.   Ok WOW.  That’s the worst feeling for ME personally, disappointing someone.  I hate feeling that I let someone down.  For whatever reason, it just crushes me.  Apparently that rubbed off on her.. Thank GOD.  I am not one to hold grudges WITH HER only.  Everyone else, no problem.  I can’t do that to Dano.  She stopped crying and we talked more.  I apologized for yelling at her, but I said I wasn’t sorry for calling her out.  She told me to not be sorry that it was her fault, and she was wrong, and she has to make things right with me.   And the dance.. I asked WHY I should let her go… (she was soo excited to go) and she told me “You shouldn’t.  I don’t deserve to go”..  I said you can tell all your friends how mad at me you are that I’m not going to let you go.  She was shocked but she said, “No, I’ll tell them I lied to you and I can’t go”.   We’ll see how that goes.   It is really hard to raise a kid, by yourself.  Literally, no family, no grandparents to help, no aunts or uncles to do anything… it’s just “US”..  I really hope I am “doin it right”…  

Frustrated Parent..

Ok so last night, I posted this on G+: 
You do everything you can to be a good parent… To be the BEST parent you can be to your child. You teach them trust and the dangers and damages of lies. WHY for the love of God don’t they listen?! It is soo frustrating and I don’t know that I’ll ever live up to the Good parenting standards. I was a good kid I had pretty high hopes that I would be a good parent. But I think there’s only so much I can do and they make their own choices. They have to suffer the consequences but so do I. Live and learn I guess.”
In that vein, of trying to be a good parent, I finally accepted that SOMEHOW thru osmosis or something, Dano has been gifted my wonderful trait of PROCRASTINATION.  oh. goody.  One of the things she HAS to do at school to maintain good grades is umm….  READ.  Now, I LOVE to read.  She must have inherited the lack of desire of reading from her dad.  Anyway, so she has to read like 3 books a trimester to keep her grade up.  I said TRIMESTER.. so like THREE months..  well, today was the cut off to get all the books in and tested to see how well you did.  So what did Dano do?  STARTED her book yesterday morning before school.  REALLY!?!  She stayed up late last night to keep reading it, and this morning at 8:10 she called me to tell me she finished it..  300+ pages.   Ok, I am skeptical.  But, we’ll see.  She told me she will sneak out and text me whether or not she passed the test for the book.  IF she does, we get to celebrate at Spunky Steer’s and have a couple nice Steaks and potatoes for dinner… (Which I REALLY want.. )  but if she doesn’t pass, she’s grounded for like a month.  I hate this part of parenting. I wish it was fun time all the time.  Anyway, back to the post I did last night.  So she’s in counseling with a Psychologist.  And last night she had a meeting with her, and her dad was there too.  I was informed when she got home, that she was not honest with the counselor BECAUSE he was there, and she didn’t want to cause upset with him, so answered the questions the way she thought he wanted to hear.  THAT PISSED ME OFF.  I’ve told her REPEATEDLY to TELL THE TRUTH.  There are consequences for NOT doing that which she is going to learn really quickly.  Not only is SHE going to be upset, I will too because she knew better.  So I called the counselors office to inform them of this, and requested that she meet alone with her again, ASAP to clear the air.  I hope that will work, and I hope Dano learns that she can’t keep doing this.  Hurting someone with the TRUTH is far better than lying to them to keep them happy.  They will eventually find out the truth and that could be devastating.  😦