Y’all are liars…

You know, I had seriously really wanted to believe you guys that I am doing things re: Dano “Right”.  SHE just had to prove y’all wrong I guess.  I swear.  I am madder than a wet hen right now.  I am really trying to do everything the best that I can alone.  I CAN’T DO IT.  She’s supposed to get ALL of her homework done when she is at “his” house.  Seems he can’t be bothered with checking her homework to make SURE SHE DOES IT.  She’s 12 FFS!! Of course she’s gonna try to get out of it.  She did it last night.  I told her “Get ALL OF YOUR WORK DONE” when she got out of my car.  When I picked her up “Did you finish ALL OF YOUR WORK?”  “Yup”  Wrong.  I even got her an AGENDA to put in there ALL of her assignments.  Now, it is HIS job to be a parent and check to make sure she’s doing what she’s supposed to.  WHY WOULD I EXPECT THAT?!?!  He doesn’t even “know” her anymore.  I shit you not.  Doesn’t ask about school, friends, BOYS, NOTHING.  So, why expect he would check on her school work.  And therein lies my problem.  I screwed up because I didn’t do it either.   I left it to him to do HIS JOB.  
So, this morning, she calls me (She calls me at LEAST 8 times every morning…) and she’s crying.  At first I think it’s because I went to wake her up to get up and shower, and she pitched THE biggest fit… so I just left.  Thought she was apologizing for that.  Nope.  She didn’t do her homework.  OH MY GOSH Can you believe it!?  GASP!  Quelle Horreur!  I was pretty much beside myself.  BUT, in the larger scheme of things.. it is MY FAULT.  
I hate that, I hate admitting that, and saying it in my head.   But, it is.  So… Now, I am back to spending MY afternoons doing 7th grade pre algebra and talking about Atilla the Hun (Which I told Dano was very similar to my mother) and whatever other crap I don’t care to remember about middle school.   That’s not fair.  I am adult damn it.  I don’t WANT to do school work, but to make sure that SHE succeeds, and does far better than I did in life, I guess I’ll just drink my beers sitting on the floor in the office, listening to whatever is on the agenda starting today.   Yuk. 

Times change..

I am not even sure where to begin today.  Yesterday I buried my dear Friend Laurie.  She was 41 years young.  She was my big buddy in High School.  We shared a few classes together with the same teacher, Mr. Hufferd aka “Huff”.  He was there at the services.  After it was over, the girls (Tiffany, Brittany & Shannon) and I took Huff to lunch. We had a lovely time.  I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with Huff who will be turning 80 about the same time I will be turning 40 next year.  I was really disappointed by the lack of “friends” from HS to show up for the services.  I know everyone is different and they all “have lives” to live etc.. but I can’t wrap my head around, what is SOOO important in your great life, that you couldn’t take a few hours out of your day to say good bye to a friend.  Granted, there have been 1 maybe 2 funerals I did not attend because I would have been a broken down blubbering mess and ruined everything.  But I just can’t see that what 30-40 people would have done the same at one funeral?  Anyway, that has been weighing heavily on my mind today.  I have no family, so to spend time with Huff listening to stories gave me a sense of “family” again and that was very comforting to me.  I miss Laurie.  She was at my house last for a gathering of friends before I moved.  Those happen now and again, but it won’t be the same without her.  I think I’ll have to do another one anyway, around Christmas time, and host friends that ARE still around.. My brain is having a hard time adjusting and many thoughts flying around.  Dano saw Lauries picture on the funeral card, and exclaimed “WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME IT WAS HER!?”  I didn’t think Dano remembered her, she only saw her a handful of times, and it wasn’t like Dano was really interested or so I thought.  She was upset at me for not letting her go with me, but I had to be Mom and made her attend school.  It’s just how it is.  I miss Laurie’s smile, and laughter, and her ability to make you smile even if you are in a crying fit.  Her sarcasm taught me so well, and that will be missed terribly.  I am really not sure where to go with this, I think I just needed to write it down so I didn’t keep dwelling..  I can’t wait to meet up with her again some day.  

One of Laurie’s Favorite sayings… 🙂 

All moved in… Sorta..

So Dano and I are finally moved in for the most part..  I still have some boxes of shit in the garage, I really need to go thru and just donate to clean up some space.  I LOVE the new house.  A lot. 🙂  It’s too big, but I don’t care. Dano is OVER THE MOON.  She has a new BFF next door, named Kira (pronounced like Keira as in Knightly) and they are inseparable. She got two puppies (well, 9 months old or so)  Black mouth Cur is the breed… ADORABLE!! Love them.  Well, I love all dogs… (bigger than a terrier tho, I can’t stand yippy dogs… )  They are howling at night because they are new to the house.. Well, let me back up a second.. Lilah, my BABY great dane / pit mix is a SCAREDY CAT!  4th of July, she FLIPPED out during fireworks.. she’d never seen them so they scared the shit outta her 😦  Well, last night (a week after the holiday) I tried taking Lilah out front again.  NOPE. Dragged my ass back to the front door.. Poor thing, I’ll keep trying.  The kids lit off LOUD ass fireworks last night.. FREAKED my baby out, AGAIN.  She ran FLED into the house, THROUGH the screen door, upstairs to MY room, into my closet.  I HATE that she is so afraid… long story short, I worked with her a while, and got her back outside.  Then the two puppies next door started howling.  It sounded soo funny to me, but poor Lilah, has her head cocked to the side, and her ears back (looks like she’s in a wind tunnel)… and starts howling at them.  I gave up and took her with me to take a bath and relax… I bathed, she laid in the closet watching me.  
Hhhmmm that got a little off topic!  LOL  Back to Dano.. so she decided last night, she wants to stay home and hang out with the kids today.  I’m all for that, but her dad doesn’t think she’s old enough to be home alone.  Well, technically it’s not home alone.. it’s hanging out with friends in the neighborhood… and their Moms are home.  (I’m jealous… I want to be home too!)  As y’all know, Dano tells me everything… So last night she tells me, Mom, the girls want to try to sneak into the movies tomorrow.  Ok, have fun.  I don’t have a problem with her doing that, but explained what happens when they get caught, and that it won’t turn out well, and that she should try to talk to the girls today before attempting this, to try to sway them.  I don’t know if it’ll work but she said she’d call me.   What I wouldn’t give to be her age again, and have close friends… (I didn’t have any, long boring story… ) 
I hope she has fun, learns from her mistakes, and ALWAYS ALWAYS feels that she can tell me anything.. That is my biggest fear, that she will stop… and that I won’t know her anymore.. She’s growing up sooo fast.  Anyway… Happy Monday 🙂 

Things happen…

For a reason. 🙂  So y’all know I REALLY wanted to move to that house in Eastvale..  They chose to rent to someone else.  I was seriously bummed when I found out.  But I am learning more and more that things REALLY DO happen for a reason.  I don’t have to KNOW the reason, or even like it, but they happen.  Turns out, I don’t have to move… yet.  Looks like the landlord got the financial mess cleaned up and therefore I get another summer with my pool.  I should say my dogs pool.  Its NOT heated but the dogs will go swimming ANY chance they get… so will Dano actually.  HAHA  It’s another “good day”… it’s kinda nice having more of these days than shitty ones.  I hate shitty days.  Tonight I decided to start back doing pilates, and trying to work out again.  I hit a plateau on my weight loss, and I noticed that my butt is trying to touch the ground… Gravity sucks.  (Don’t ask… that bird just made me smile!!  LOL)

another year..

Another year has come and gone.  This is the last of my 30’s.. Makes me a little sad.  Dano and I went to lunch yesterday (Yes, I kept her out of school.  It’s good to play hooky once in a while no?) and had a really fun day together.  Amazing that, this child that I created, has such different tastes than I do!! HA!  We went to Buffalo Wild Wings, which we both love, (THANK GOODNESS!) and she learned more on how to play poker with that table game thingy… I know, Mom of the year right?  haha  Anyway, after that she decided she wanted to get a DRESS for her Star award banquet this coming Friday.  Each year for state testing she’s always scored almost the top of the class, last year was no exception.  She’s getting another Gold Medal.  🙂  I am very proud of her.  Now, back to the “taste” in clothing thing… hhmmm, where do I even start?  Things I picked out thinking, “kinda plain, simple, she’s not really into dresses so these should be safe”… she turns around and picks out PROM dresses!  WTH!?!  Like with FLOWERS and lace and ruffles and “poofy” bottoms…  I. Don’t. Get. It.  WHO is this kid?!  Long story short, WE decided on a black dress, thicker “lace” strap thingys which are a bit wider than the two finger width requirement, and a “shrug”.  WHAT is that anyway?  Oh, Newsflash.  I don’t WEAR dresses.  Or “shrugs”, whatever they are.  She did look beautiful when she was trying them all on.  THAT was actually fun.  OH! WHAT 12 year old (barely) girl wears a 9 1/2 shoe!!? Good grief, I am having issues.. HAHA  Her feet are bigger than mine, her poor chest is bigger than mine EVER was at any age near 12 (I was a late bloomer, flat chested til almost 14) I can’t stop smiling right now.  As frustrating as my 12 year old is, she is SUCH a blast.  I can honestly say I know I wasn’t anything like her at 12.  I was more reserved, took care of my younger siblings, played “Mom” for years… so it’s hard for me to figure out WHO this kid is that I am trying to raise.  Quite honestly, so far so good.  I may be right, or wrong, who knows, but she is my very best friend in the world.  I am her mother first, but man, when I don’t have to be “Mom”, we have such a great time together.  I am trying to cherish every minute of this, because I fear like all mothers do, that she’ll hit the magical age where she will hate me.  She will stop telling me everything.  I will be the “enemy”.  I can’t bear that thought yet.  We’ve discussed that, we’ll I’ve brought it up to her, and then she cries and tells me she will NEVER ever hate me, and that she wants to be with me forever..  I know, a 12 year old talking…  I just want life to slow down a little bit, and keep my little girl little, as long as I can….   Happy Birthday to me.  🙂

This was the day before her 3rd Birthday at Disneyland 9 years ago… Just the two of us.. THAT was a great Birthday… 🙂 

That time again..

So, twelve years ago today.. RIGHT NOW.. I was in the hospital napping I think.. waiting for my only child to enter the world.  The day was mostly uneventful besides finding out I was out of amniotic fluid, so they had to “replenish” it for me.  At about noon~ish while listening to her heart beat on the monitor, I heard a “pop/swoosh” kind of noise. Made me raise my eyebrows (because I can’t do just one, which sucks.. ) and suddenly it hit me.. MY water broke!  HAHA  Again, made me think “that’s weird, I thought I was out of water.. ”   Anyway, yes, my water broke.  So after that, I decided to take another nap.  Trying to get in as many as I can before she shows up to turn my sleeping patterns upside down.  I slept for a few more hours, and then the anesthesiologist came in to give me an epidural.  I argued with her for a bit, because I wasn’t in any pain, and didn’t need it.  All she said was “Trust me.  Roll over”.   Okie dokie!   Back to sleep.  I started feeling “it” about 6pm or so.  Time to get up and walk around the hospital.  Didn’t seem to do a whole lot of good.  But, at about 9pm, (NYPD Blue was on mind you I LOVE Sipowitz) I was watching TV and I KNEW she was ready.  I hollered at the nurse that “somebody better hurry up and catch this thing because she was coming out in a hurry”!  Three pushes later, and there she was.  This big head, little tiny body alien thing.  Seriously, her head was GINORMOUS.  Not misshapen or anything, just BIG.  She was THE happiest baby.  I remember my dad coming in to the room and holding her, and for those that KNOW my dad, will laugh here… he said “When do the eyes open?”  Um, Dad, she’s not a puppy.  smh.   Now, being pregnant, and labor, and giving birth, TOTAL piece of cake.  For reals.  It was a breeze.. no morning sickness, I only gained like 27lbs total.. Easy Peasy.  Now, AFTER all that, worse thing in my life.  I knew then, that I would never have more kids.  To put it mildly, hemorrhaging, tons of blood loss, vomiting (ON people no less), passing out repeatedly, etc…  I know the nurses hated me.  I was told it was a ‘fluke’ thing.  I disagree.  I wasn’t supposed to ever be able to HAVE children, and I think that was part of why.  Anyway, I had jaundice for a like a week, constipated as all get out taking mass amounts of iron.  I remember the day I brought her home.. I was rocking her in the chair and watching the clock on the wall and she was bawling. No idea why.  When her dad came home, he came into her room, where I was also bawling.  He freaked out, asking what was wrong, and honestly I had NO IDEA.  She cried, so I cried.  What a life changing event.  I can’t imagine for a second what my life would be like without her.  She’s the best thing I’ve ever done, and probably ever will do.  How she turns out as a young woman will be a direct reflection on my abilities as a “Mom” in raising her.  12 years, so far so good… I’m crossing my fingers the next 12 aren’t too bad.  
                          I love you Dano.  To the moon and back.